Karma; She’s definitely a woman

We’ve all heard the expressions of “karma being a bitch” or “karma has shown HER wicked head”.  I too believe that karma is indeed a WOMAN.

I mean let’s be honest, women are the only beings that feel a certain level of rage that makes us give ‘pay-back” in wayS that cuts deep, TO THE CORE.  We are passionate folks with a talent that takes pure emotions and brain to lead.

Whats amazing about us is the fact that we are also most things that a man IS..  Granted, we don’t have the same testosterone levels in which men have, however in the womb, all humans start off as the man specie and transform from there.  personally, I believe this is the stage in which we instill the thoughts, emotions, characteristics and other traits as men.  But, God took us one step further. He gave us all that then extended u to be something even more great.  Wo-Men!.

I have heard some stories in my day that have literally made grown men cry and things that have ULTIMATELY taken them to their knees.  I would go on a ledge and say these stories were 99% dealings with a woman.

The things that I truly taken back by, is the way in which men are able to dish out certain things and believe that they have the woman on “lock”.  I admire the ego of a man.  That ego is grandiose in nature but its the first thing that’s typically hit the hardest.  Then there’s the pride.  When this is present (not most show this), this is the second biggest attribute of a man.  Then theres that “THING”.  You know the thing in which I’m referring to.  Some have a lot; some have a little; it just depends on what line in heaven he stood in the longest.  Some choice things in that order, and some used reverse order but no matter what they are all TIED very much TOGETHER.  Ego, pride and that “thing”.

So imagine when Ms. Karma shows up. Yes, we are giving her a prepositional name.  Ms! Usually she aims for all three.  Whats amazing, when it comes to a woman, again 99% of a man problem, forget what Jay Z says, in one swift swoop she can destroy all THREE.  In an instant!!

Another man, when used by a woman with Ms Karma, can instantly destroy another mans ego, pride and challenge the abilities of his “thing”.

I’ve given You the answers to the test.

Lesson Learned: Newtons 3rd “Law of Gravity”- For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

YING-YANG

WHAT YOU PUT OUT, IS WHAT YOU GET BACK!

I know, there are some who oppose this or who may even be offended.  However, as a woman who’ve gratefully lived nearly 45-years, I believe I have earned the right to speak candidly about women. Besides, some people need to hear this.

#veteran #soldiers #lifecoach #thoughts #onemorestep #emotions #karma #ego #pride #newtonslaw #relationships #marriage #marriages

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One More Step….learn to walk or be eaten…Alive!!

The day that I became a civilian can be compared to the birth of a baby born into the wild. Once their mother pushes them out, they have minutes to get rid of their “sea-legs” and walk on their own, if not, awaiting are vicious animals ready to eat the newly born, alive.

Some make it, some don’t.

You see, for most veterans, this isn’t an easy task.  How do you learn to live in this big world that you had previously been shield from?

Within the military in which we serve, we have our own rules, regulations and laws.  We have manuals that describes to us in detail the way in which we dress, style our hair, and weight restrictions in which we must adhere.  We have our moves and missions for the next 6-months planned out for us.  In some instances, for the next 2-years we know what we are to do.  In addition, we are referred to by our last names which comes after the  preparatory rank or grade.

In the event we commit a crime, the military sends THERE people to come gather you up and place you in the jurisdiction of the government.  If you are then trial-ed you will appear in a court on any one of hundreds of government installations filled with a jury of fellow service members, that you know even if you don’t actually know them.  The court proceedings are then led by a judge who also wears one of 4-military uniforms under his or her robe.

On the contrary, you ARE in violation of many articles, and can be charged with the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) if you ever publicly speak ill-will of The President, regardless how strongly you disagree with him, from a legal voters perspective.  After all, he’s your Commander-in-Chief which makes him the boss of all your bosses.

But when you exit the military, you are no longer demanded to adhere by the rules.  You are free to express your feelings about The President. Hell you can even march in a protest to impeach him if your heart desires. In fact, you can lead the march if you so choose.

If you are arrested for any reason you will be held in a local jail cell and if you are tried in court you have no idea who the people are in the jury.  In fact, you think to yourself that the looks on their faces gives you the impression that they’ve already found you to be guilty even before the trial starts!

Life looks so different from the other side.

The problems here:

Now we have to learn to do things on our own. Think for ourselves and plan for our own next moves in life.  Aside from The Constitution, the Ten Commandments and the basic laws of the land, there aren’t any rules or regulations.

You can wear you hair however you like; eat as much as you want because there aren’t any weight restrictions; and you can wear whatever clothes that feels good or you think LOOKS good on you.  NO-ONE CARES!

I know plenty of veterans that have a tough time living without rules and regulations.  They miss the rules; the safety net; the protection of knowing that someone always have their back.  Not to mention the brotherhood or sisterhood that develops because you spend more time with your fellow brothers/sisters-in-arms then your actual family.

How do these prior service-members learn to “live structured in an unstructured world?”  

How do they learn to function as a normal person and walk through life, normal?

How do they learn to take “One More Step”?

How do they learn to take that step to not be eaten by the vicious animals that are waiting for them to get rid themselves of their “sea-legs”?

After all, there are many “vicious animals” they are waiting, patiently, to eat each of us…ALIVE.

 

#soldiers #veterans #thoughts #struggles  #ptsd #suicide #onemorestep #relevance #structure #servicemembers #lifecoach.

Perception; too is 9/10th’s of Law

It’s an old adage that claims that “perception is 9/10th’s of the law; simple put, if it looks like some thing is wrong to others, then unless you can prove otherwise, then its wrong.

Ok, ok.  I know they say this about possession not perception. But I honestly believe this holds more truth to perception than possession

Let me explain.

According to Joseph Banks Rhine in 1934, he believed that perception meant that humans can go beyond their senses when it comes to the way of

the world.  He conducted an experiment that he believes proves that humans have other extrasensory perceptions also known as ESP.   The major extrasensory perceptions are known as telepathy, clairvoyance, precognition, retro-cognition, mediumship, and psychometry.

I personally believe that I am very in-tuned with my telepathy extrasensory.  I can recall several times when I’ve thought something someone else was thinking, they said it and I shouted “I knew it, I knew it”.   OR the times or two  when I’ve thought of a person and on cue, they call me as if they knew I was thinking of them.  The lists that supports the idea that I have telepathy goes on and on.  However, those who are reading this are either thinking 1). I too have an extrasensory perception or 2) this girl is crazy.

Perception 9_10th's

Lets assume for a second I’m not crazy.  I want to prove why perception should be 9/10ths of the Law. Both intuitions or ‘gut feelings’ and ESP are both known to be the unproven 6th sense.  Now, a perception is different then an intuition.  An intuition is a “gut feeling” for no apparent rhyme or reason whereas an ESP bypasses the use of any of the other 5 senses.  Ironically, many scientists believe that everyone is indeed born with a form of ESP but many are not in tuned with it or have yet to realize its power within themselves.

To compare intuition to ESP read my previous blog:

Intuition; That 6th Sense 

Now, I get into this whole matter of ESP and perception to discuss my real topic of discussion, the way in which we really use perception in our everyday lives.

Trust me it has nothing to do with ESP but I though the above would be educational!

When we deal with relationships regardless of the type, the way in which one party perceives a message is that person’s perception.  Again, this decision is made by disregarding any of the other 5-senses.

Case in point, if you are dating someone and they tell you they love you wholeheartedly, then you will automatically observe signs that supports the love they claim to have.  However, if they are ignoring you , disrespecting you, not spending time with you, never calling, never doing romantic gestures; odds are you will begin to believe the love claim to have is not true.

Another way to use our perception is when someone claims to be a friend.  A friend is someone who will be there in the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad.  They will cry with you and laugh with you.  They will tell you when you are wrong yet try to help you to ‘get right’.  Sometimes, they will dislike a person because you dislike them.  If you break up with someone then they too break up with them.  Your friends will bail you out of a bad date by calling you and telling you there is an emergency and you need to leave now.  Yes, they are your friends.  If you ever run for a political office, they are the person that needs to be murdered because they know ALL your DARKEST SECRETS! This is the way you perceive a friend to be, your perception of the definition of a friend.

On the other hand, a friend is not someone who talks about you when you aren’t around to their other friends.  They do not my any means tell your secrets, they do not let you leave the house in an unappealing outfit, they do not talk to your ex behind your back and tell them things they are aware you did while the two were dating, they do not post pics on social media when you were drunk and passed out.  The list goes on.  But you get the geesh.  These are not friends!

I say all this to say:

Let your perception be your 6th sense; be 9/10ths of the Law.

Let it guide you.  See things at face value, period.

Peoples actions will always speak louder than their words.

In the words of Maya Angelou:

“When people shows you who they are, believe them the first time”. 

 

 

#military #soldiers #relationships #marriages #struggles #lifecoach
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ONE MORE STEP, LLC

A Life Lesson; Round 1

I remember the 5-days prior, so vividly.  My youngest son and I were on our way to church.  We were taking pictures just because we were dressed up nicely, feeling and looking good.  This was a joyous time, we were going to praise the Lord on this Sabbath day.

This is also the day that I remembered looking at the picture and cringing . All I could think of was the fat on my arms that resembled other body parts as it appeared viciously in that red sleeveless dress.  This day was about 10-months post my last deployment in the US Army. A deployment by any Soldiers standard was easy breezy.  Not a care in the world, not a threat and not a reason that inclined us to even consider it to be a deployment. The country was pretty much at peace and we were there to sorta keep things from getting out of hand.  It was the place that “real deploying” Soldiers used as a hub to prepare, depart and go on to the bigger threatening areas.  Naw this wasn’t a deployment, it was just a “duty assignment away from my family”.  That’s it.

Once I did return home after this “duty assignment away from my family”, I went on a juice diet and ran every half-marathon, 10K, and marathon within a 100-mile radius. I did all this because while on the deployment I’d gained weight.  The heat was not good to me or my run routine. Once I returned home I started dieting,  I was probably in the best shape of my life, yet, I still found areas of my body to nick pick.  My underarm in this red dress was one of them.

What I didn’t realize, was that I would soon learn to ignore those small things.  Those things that no-one probably even noticed.  Those things that compared to other things, were MINIMAL to life.

Five days later, my life would be forever changed and I have the scar to prove it.  It was me,  a riding go-kart and a scarf around my neck to protect me from the chill winds of the day.  It was less than a week before Thanksgiving.  Needless to say, it was Sheka vs ‘The Scarf”.  Round 1. The scarf won.  “The Scarf” nearly killed me instantly.  Right as I was laughing, having fun not realizing within seconds my neck could’ve popped, been severed or my larynx crushed.  Or possibly decapitated. That’s all I will say about this.

Looking back on this, I felt as though God kept me around for many reasons. (some of those reasons will be shared at a later date). However, compared to the lifelong scar I now have just inches from that ‘fat on my arms’ that just less than a week prior, I thought was the worse thing ever.  Regardless of my flaws, I learned that life is to be VALUED!  Life is not to be taken for GRANTED.  Literally, within seconds as I was racing others in a go-kart, that morning could’ve very well been the last time my children would see me alive.

Did I kiss them that morning? Did I tell them I love them? Did I fuss at them for neglecting a chore on their way to school that morning? Did I tell them how proud I was of them? Did I remind them how grateful I am to be their mother?

All these things were things I thought of after the fact.  These things were things I thought of as I listened to the doctor ask me “do you know how lucky you are?”  “Do you understand what has happened?”

At that time I didn’t know.  I didn’t fully understand the fact that I was spared.  They say that if you want to understand and appreciate life better, then come in contact with death.

I AM GRATEFUL. I know that I was taught a valuable lesson.  Each time I look at this scar around my neck I am forever reminded.  I am forever reminded that I have a purpose.  I am forever reminded that I am blessed.  I appreciate every day, every hour and every second that I have been given.

That fat on my arm is probably still there.  I’m not sure.  I don’t see it simply because maybe the scar overshadows it or maybe because it’s not important.  Life is more than that.

Life should be more appreciated than a simple area of fat. My life is more then this scar.

It’s a definite reminder.  I get asked all kind of questions or hypotheticals of how it came to be.  I’ve even been asked did I try to “hang myself”?

I simply tell people…….”it’s a reminder that I am blessed”.  I won!

 

#soldiers #military #soldiersstruggles #relevance #thoughts #veterans

Intuition; That 6th Sense

My intuition has been my guide for the most part of my life.  I use it to make tough decision and I use it when I find myself in situations whereas things aren’t like they seem.

Some would refer to this as a “gut feeling’. Some would tell you that you have a voice that speaks to you.  That voice makes decisions regardless of ‘rhyme or reason”.

Intuition

I’ve experienced dreams that has come true. I’ve had visions that has sent chills down my spine. I know others can relate. There are times when Ive ignored these ‘gut feelings’ and later regretted my decision in doing so.

Many have expressed this sixth sense as an unconscious reasoning that forces us to do things that we have no idea as to why we do these things.  It’s the subtle knowing of something and not having an idea of as of “why”.

Soldiers have been in situations where their 6th sense has been the reason they achieve or survived confrontations with the enemy during war. Over the past 4-years, the military has implemented a $3.85 million dollar program called Enhancing Intuitive Decision Making Through Implicit Learning, which will be used to allow military scientist to build computer models to aid in the development of training programs to help with soldiers being in-tuned with what has been referred to as our “6th-Sense” or “Spidey Sense” or even a “Hunch”

When we thing of this in its entirety, do we believe this is Gods way of empowering us to be more in control of out decision-making?

Its been said that people who are guided by their 6th sense, do things differently then those who are not. Some have even argued that our intuitions is the highest level of intelligence. 

They listen that inner voice that brides the gap between our instinct and reasoning.

They are better creators due to the fact that they function more so on intuitiveness

They observe everything and everyone around them by noticing others body language and their personal ‘gut feeling”

They do not act on negative emotions as they know that seeing things through negative lenses will alter their decision-making process.

I personally believe that my 6th-Sense, “Spidey Sense” or “Hunch” has been my saving grace in many situations. Because of this, I have found out my husband was having affairs; I have prevented incidents from happening to myself and others; and I have known certain things were gonna happen therefore I was more able to control my emotions when the event did occur.

I don’t know why this is this way.  I can’t for surely say that this is the highest form of intelligence.  All I know that I’m grateful for this ability.  I know that in many instances this sense has been my “saving grace“. And for this I believe that our “Intuition is our 6th-Sense “

How to you use your sixth sense of intuition?

#soldier #thoughts #military #veterans #relevance #intuition

Resource:
https://atwar.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/27/navy-program-to-study-how-troops-use-intuition/

Discipline is required

discipline

To achieve any type of goal in life, a certain level of Discipline is required.

“Exercise to lose weight”. Discipline is required.

“Starting and successfully launching a business”. Discipline is required.

” Write a great book”. Discipline is required.

Moving to a higher quality of life involves more than just thinking a thought, or dreaming a dream or hoping for a hope.  Discipline is required.

Four distinct components are needed and are usually embedded in each of us.  Those areas are defined in the cornerstones of our

  • mentality
  • emotions
  • physical, and
  • spirituality

Strength is also needed in each of the components.  You have to have the strength to push that extra mile to finish the race.  Strength is needed to be mentally strong, emotional strong, physically strong and spiritually strong.

Taking life to the next level requires growth in your mental strength; expanding the way you think or the way in which you look at things.  To do this, Discipline is required.

To grow your emotional strength, one would suggest to eliminate wearing your feelings on “your sleeve”. Something I’m personally guilty of doing. In order to change and get past this,  I know that Discipline is required.

Physical strength to go the distant when your brain tells you to quit, Discipline is required.

If all of your other components work together creating a perfect synchronization of a sort, then this is the strength of your spirituality.  To be in tuned with this, Discipline is required.  

When you want to crawl up in a ball, and give-up; Yet you don’t.  You keep going.

You don’t give up.

You don’t accept defend.

If this is you, then maybe, just maybe, you possess the

 Discipline that’s require.

#military  #soldiersstruggles  #thoughts  #veterans #self-worth. #motivation 

Military/Marriage

My military marriages were the same as most military marriages, textbook. They both happened while in the military; they both ended, while in the military.

Some would say that military marriages are higher on the divorce rate chart than civilian marriages.  I mean, truthfully, I would almost agree with this simply because it seems most service members have been married at least twice.  If we reached the second marriage that means the first had to have ended (in some cases that wasnt the case). Of course, where there is more of something in one area, there will be more of other things in the other area.

Fewer people + More marriages / divorces.  Right? Simple math?

But, as it turns out, military marriages are more successful than marriages that involves civilians.  Civilians being defined as “those who’ve never served in the armed forces”. Clearly, it’s not because military couples have “the answers to the test”.  Some believe it’s because the military provides more benefits as a whole.  Insurance, steady income, education benefits and of course additional help in areas if needed.  There are even free programs for marriages that the military encourages.  There are free counseling services, (unit-supported) free vacation marriage retreats, and most military commands encourage and supports taking your anniversary off from work to enjoy with your spouse.

Of course there is a flip-side.

What if the military person is a woman? In my first marriage, that was the case.  I was married to a civilian.  Someone whom never served; someone whom found it difficult to not be the breadwinner; someone whom struggled with their wife being around other men most of the day; someone who didn’t understand that my job wasn’t a typical 9-5. There were many days I won’t be home in time for dinner; there are days I won’t have the energy for ‘us’ time; there are days where I must work out even after work to help shed the baby weight while you sit at home with the kid.  Our roles were more than reversed.

Now, the flip-side, is inverted

My second marriage, we were both military.  There are times when we both have to work late; there are times when neither will be home in time for dinner, nor be the one to cook it; there are times when I can’t attend your unit Christmas party because I have to attend my own; there are times when your deployment will happen at the tail end of my deployment, so we will hug each other as we cross one another at the airport.

Between my two marriages, I was married for a total of 18 years, yet I spend nearly 25 years in the military. I would say I had a fairly decent career that one would be proud of.  I served enough to put myself in a position to retire at the age of 43.  When I say this to people, usually they are impressed.  But at 43 when I tell them I’m a ‘twice divorcee’, they’re not as impressed...

Now, I sit here,  and i have to ask myself, did I choose the military over my marriages?

#musicsavesthesoul

Choosing what you want to do when you grow up is something that most kids discuss with their parents.  For me, I was no different. In my mind, I wanted to be a singer.  However, growing up in the 70’s and 80’s was the era long before the internet or singing competitions that made dreamers into real life entertainers.

Yes, just as every other kid growing up in Detroit aka Motown, music was in my blood.  I grew up listening to the greatest Motown hits, the latest R&B jams, and Blues.  Everyday music was played at someones house.  I could listen to the newer tunes being around my mother, but my grandmother was the Queen of Blues.

Before I could spell my name, I was familiar with Bobby “Blues’ Bland, Johnnie Taylor, Z.Z. Hill and B.B. King.  I knew the words to songs that even some adults had never even heard. I song these songs from the gut each time I song along and pretended I WAS the artist.  The ones that got the most play were “Last Two Dollars” and “Down Home Blues”.  I believe those two were my grandmothers favorites.lamington

With music being played everywhere I turned, I learned early on that it was what soothe the soul.  I would remember my mother listening to music during housecleaning, other chore, or just prancing around the house in her own world.  I remember her making her way to the music store whenever her newly adored song was released.  If the artists was one of her favorites, she would buy the whole album.  But if she wasn’t sure, she would buy the ’45, for now, and buy the LP later.  My grandmother kept her 8-tracks current and only purchased the vinyl when the cassettes were hard to find.

My mother and grandmother weren’t the only music lover, oh yeah, we were an entire music family. I remember when MJ’s “Off the Wall” album hit the stores,  my uncle went insane!

Music was played everyday, always.  Riding in the car, having folks over to the house, when they were alone, sad, happy, mad or just being….music was played.

Fast forward, decades later, music is just as important now as it was then.  When we lost my grandmother 6-weeks ago, all I could think about was “Down Home Blues” by Z.Z. Hill.   In fact during her family-hour service, I swear blues songs were played not the traditional mouring/funeral music. Yes!! That’s My Family; A Motown Family; a Motown Musical Family!

Nothing like hearing a song that reminds me of my childhood.  Nothing like hearing a song that soothes my soul.  Nothing like listen to a song and beleive the artist wrote the song “just for me”.  They had too!! It’s a song about what I’m feeling RIGHT NOW!!

Music soothes the soul. But looking at how important music is to us as a family and the storms it has weathered, I know that it does more than just soothes.  I also know that ‘music saves the soul’, especilly my Motown Musical Family. 

Self-Blame is Real!

As 2017 was coming to a close, there were several cases of work-place sexual assault and sexual harassment cases.  That year closed with highlights involving a lot of people in prominent and powerful positions.  These cases ranged from men (particularly) that were CEO’s to news-broadcasters to music moguls.  These cases, in my opinion, were part of a campaign that grew and grew which enabled the victims to disclose terrible tragedies that occurred to them within the workplace, mostly.  This allowed them to speak openly and not worry about the repercussions that many had feared in the past that could have prohibited their growth/promotions within organizations.

Now, personally, I know nothing about music moguls; I know nothing about news broadcasters or CEO’s.  But what I do know is that none of the cases involved military officials.  I’m sure this comment raises an eyebrow for many, especially those whom never served.  Just as other organizations there are those who are in positions that do use their “grade or position to attain pleasure, profit”.  Contrary to what is seen on television…….

Could the reason that no-one from the military was involved, because no-one at that moment in the armed forces chose to come forward? There wasn’t any issues? Is it that the rules of the military are different then the rules in the civilian sector regarding sexual crimes? Or could it be that the repercussions sometimes are a lot more severe than in the civilian sector?

I could speculate.  My speculation isn’t because I feel as though nothing like that was going on at the time in the military or does my speculation come from thinking that it doesn’t happen.  I do not need to speculate about what happens, The Invisible War. 

Gosh. After serving 24 years and 42 weeks , believe me when I tell you, I have stories.  Believe me when I tell you that my friends have stories.  I’ve seen stories. I’ve had things that has happened to me but one particularly, literally, complicates my life, today.  It’s not the incident per se, it’s the person(s) in which it involved.  Regardless of how resilient I may be or how “tough” I am, there are just thing that happens to you that takes the breath out of you; take you to your knees and beg God to go back in time to take it away.  However, all too often those same incidents cause you to think “what could I have done differently to prevent this from happening?”  “what did I say or do?”

How do we end self-blame?

 

It had to be me!

Self-blame is real.

Self-blame causes you to believe that the predators are damn-near innocent. Self-blame causes you to reconsider what you did, said, wore, the way you acted, your gestures, your actions, your faith….

It causes you to believe that maybe just maybe, that what you experienced wasn’t really the way it happened.  You imaged it wrongly.  It causes you to believe that there were other things that happened, even when it didn’t. Growing imagination.   It causes you to believe that YOU are the reason that a predator became a predator.  They weren’t predators, before.

That’s it, it had to be me!

How do we end self-blame?

 

Resiliency, anyone?

 

Building Resiliency

From the time we lace up the first pair of combat boots or the first time we strap a duffel-bag on our backs, we as soldier, turned veterans are resilient.  We heard the Drill Sergeants (DS) yell and tell us to “suck it up and drive on” or “take a knee, and drink water”.  Both expressions suggested that we had better pull our crap together and pull it together fast… It also meant that regardless of what emotions we felt, how our bodies may hurt or if we had fear, uncertainties, or hesitations, we needed to get over it ALL- RIGHT NOW!

In the end of the screaming, we thought “go just one more”, take “One More Step“.  Even when you would’ve bet money that you had no more left, you went one more.

I like to think, resiliency is built over-time.  I believe that it is similar to any other muscle in your body, except this muscle is spread all over.  You see I believe your heart has to have a fiber of resiliency.  Its it in your heart where strength and courage come from.  Isn’t that what the Cowardly Lion went see the Wizard regarding. A new heart? For courage? Well maybe its wasn’t the Lion that needed a heart, but indeed the Tin Man. (I think the Cowardly Lion already had a heart and he just needed to develop fibers of courage.) Yes, that’s my story.  That is what I believe to be true.  You get my geesh!

Resilient people have 4-distinct combination characteristics.

1) A certain level of acceptance of life; choosing to live life rather than life choosing to live them.

2) Beliefs held due to morals and values; “if you don’t stand for something, then you will fall for anything”. Morals and values sorta allow you to set your left and right limits.

3). Staying flexible; we know that life changes every second, of the hour, of the day.  Granted, you can plan out your day in its entirety, but when something happens, all your plans are either shifted or cancelled.  Being flexible allows you to continue to built resiliency; its like that muscle that gets stronger and stronger over time.

4).  Believing that life has meaning; No explanation needed!

Building resiliency is like a weight loss regime.  You have to eat right, exercise, consume proper amount of water, get restful sleep, and be motivated.  To build resiliency, one needs to be optimistic, reshape your views, know that not everything is your fault, be a friend that you want to have, understand that small levels of stress is normal, and be willing to challenge yourself.  Most importantly, you have to be able to recover when faced with negative change and resistance.  Not allowing it to win is the quickest way to build resistance which builds resilience.

Happy Building.