As this day is nearing and my thoughts are accumulated, I start to think and pray that I’m not like 80% of the people in the world. I’m thinking about the faith and longevity of my “New Years Resolution”.
You see, I have a bad habit (no it’s not drugs or alcohol). My bad habit has been keeping me busy for 5-years and some months. This habit started on my last deployment to Kuwait and unlike most, continued once I returned to the states. Just as most habits, I use this one to fill voids; to take away the sadness; to take away the pain; the confusion and every other life emotions that I sometimes struggle or embraced. Because ironically, I use this bad habit even in good news, exciting news and news worth celebrating.
After saying all this, I cant help but to wonder if I’ll be like most and by March my resolution will be a thing of the past? I wonder if by the end of 2018, I’ll be wondering “so much for that”. “Maybe Ill try again next year” or think of it the same way I view weight lost resolutions? Usually around my birthday in March, I’m always thinking of what I would’ve looked like or how much I would’ve weighed had I stuck with the plan set on January 1st. Yeah, I’m that girl.
In my defense, it’s not that hard to quit a habit, right? I mean, I’ve quit habits before, smoking for example. After 20+ years of back and forth with smoking, I literally quit one faithful day, praying that my “good-will” would make a difference at my doctors visit 3-days later. Well, I’m not sure if it did, but I know that my results were heaven-sent and on that day I made a deal with God. That’s all I know.
I must say, mentioning my smoke-habit does raises other questions I have of myself. If I can quit a 20-year habit, then shouldn’t it be easier to quit a 5-year habit? I mean just as this bad habit, I used smoking with every emotion as well. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad! But just as stopping smoking, will there be residual effect? Like excessive weight gain? I mean we do other things to fill the voids, right?
I have to find faith. I have to believe that I can replace this bad habit with other things that will be good for me. I could go for a walk, phone-a-friend, go to the gym, play with my pre-schooler, play with my dog, redecorate a room, reorganize my garage, finish laying the back-splash in my kitchen, go to the spa, go shopping…
Or I can simply blog about my success or my failure of kicking this bad habit.
Either way, today is January 1st. Let this resolution began!