“I am a subject matter expert” said the veteran.



Veterans who seek employment in the civilian sector faces many  different set of challenges and obstacles then non-vets.  Both the civilian employers and other civilian workers, hold a belief about the military that impacts hiring the decision to hire. There are some beliefs that are true however, there are some that are myths. Dispelling some of this myths can help the vet seeking employment while opening the eyes of the employer who questions the idea of hiring a vet.

Here are THE TOP 3- Myths vs Realities:

1). MYTH: Veterans have advantages above non-veterans because of their work ethics, discipline, order and sense of timeliness.

 REALITY: Many civilian employers are guided by their own perception of former military personnel.  They believe that veterans are rigid, not easily adaptable, have difficulties fitting into different work environments and, are intolerant of civilians and their ideas.

DISPEL BY, not being defensive regarding the negative images. As veterans try to allow perspective employers see you as an individual with your own set of beliefs, morals and abilities not just as a former military personnel that only thinks in black or white.

2). MYTH: Soldiers are crossed trained in positions within an organization and therefore are ‘subject matter experts (SME)’ within many areas.

       REALITY: Most of what soldiers do in the military, isn’t really understood to a civilian employer.  Most jobs that soldiers are trained in will go over the head of perspective employers and more than likely they will be immediately confused and intimidated.  Further, being too ‘gung-ho’ can appear that a veteran is set in their ways and may not be open to suggestions or learning new and inventive ways of doing things.

DISPEL BY, learning to stay in your lane.  Do the job in which you were hired to perform.  Offering advice is acceptable but there is a difference between offering advice versus belittling others or coming off as “showy”.  Find a balance to not cause hostility.

3). MYTH: Veterans believe that their skills alone, will allow them to walk into a high salary employment, post military.

REALITY: 80 percent of jobs in the civilian world are landed through networking.  Also, doing a job in the military with stringent rank structures is a lot different then doing a job in the civilian sector, whereas there isn’t a rank structure.

DISPEL BY, staying in contact with your former military colleagues.  They could possibly provide you with leads and references to assist with a ‘by-name’ interview or job.  Also, the rank structure in the military limits subordinates from speaking about what they disagree with or feel compelled to speak-up about.  On the contrary, although there are job positions that’s to be respected in civilian organizations, there is a lot more “wiggle room” per se,  in which civilians can “voice” their opinions.

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Please handle with care..

Theoretically, the average age to graduate from college with a Bachelors is around 22.  For these graduates, immediately,  if not prior, try to work in the area in which they’ve chosen to educate themselves in.  For a 22/23 y/o to take a job making $30K per year is pretty reasonable as they do lack the experience needed to argue for a $75K/yearly salary.

The average veteran graduates with a Bachelor’s degree around the age of 52. Surprisingly,  women vets graduate on average, around age 42 and men vets around age 62. Whereas non-vets have a median age of 45 for graduating with a Bachelors.  There is a 7 years age difference between vets and non-vets in terms of receiving a Bachelor’s degree.

The job market is a very competitive in nature and often can be a very intimating factor for many. In today’s job market, ‘post-9/11 veterans are facing a higher unemployment rate then non-veterans”. This was also the case for Vietnam and other veterans as well.

One of the reasons for the higher unemployment rates is the injuries that veterans from both 9/11 and Vietnam veterans endure.  These injuries includes physical injury and psychological injuries. Because of these military or war created injuries, there is a negative stigma that’s placed upon men and women veterans that leaves them “unemployable” to the average nonmilitary theme corporation.

Further, due to the higher rate of unemployment, a veteran age 18-24 has the highest rate of employment, poverty and homelessness.  This rate is higher than then non-veterans that are of the same age range.  The typical young adult age 18-24 have limited skills in the work force and life, to couple this with having physical and psychological issues forces this young adult to be even less marketable for employment which leads to extreme poverty and homelessness.

On the other side of this are the veterans who have served 20+ years in the military, have exited the military but with psychological and physical injuries.  Most of these veterans are >40 years of age and because of this, will often have more financially responsibilities which means they request a bigger salary when seeking employment.  The average employer is not willing to spend the money to support the demand of an older veteran and therefore will not choose to hire them in the workforce.

Thus all keeping the cycle of un-employable veterans,  unemployed.

In the United States, Arkansas, Connecticut, Hawaii and Kansas leads the unemployment rates for veterans.  On the contrary, New Hampshire, Missouri, North Dakota and Wisconsin has the lowest rate of unemployed veterans.  Alaska, Virginia and Georgia overall, has the highest percentages of veterans within the state while as Michigan Vermont and New Jersey has the least amount of veterans living in that state.

I recall talking to other veterans regarding their desire to work after the military, as I were transitioning.  One of the things I found common amongst most, were their desire to work either on a military installation or with an organization with a strong military foundation.  In the beginning, I didn’t quite understand the need to continue to be a part of the military environment.  But now, I believe I completely understand.

Here is my analogy:

More than 28% of veterans exit the military with a service-connected disability.  Of course when you take retiree (those who’ve served 20+ years,) the percentage is very close to 100% having a service connected physical or psychological injury.  With this in mind, the average veteran feels as thought, those on the outside of the structure of the military, will not and cannot understand them as veterans.  On average we have limitations on what we can and can’t do;

we have more medical appointments

and we come with a label that says Please handle with care”.  

Not to mention we usually a little older, demand more money and believe that we are “subject matter experts” in most things that we do.  We are cross-trained in various positions and feel as though our talents should be acknowledged and compensated.  We do not need as much supervision, in fact we can complete most tasks without much guidance.

Organizations see us as liabilities. They know that 10-15 years of employment is about all we have left in us. They know that most of us have retirement or disability pay monthly, some both, and believe that we are quicker to “walk out of the job”! There are just certain things you will and will not accept especially when you are working, just to be working.  Not to mention, our talents can be as intimidating as our personalities.  For most employers, these aren’t things they are willing to take chances on.

Not to mention, most people believe that we are one day shy of “snapping”. Yes, this is a stereotype but we won’t pretend as if it’s not something that is thought of by many.

So are we employable or unemployable?

I say employable, but of course with the right organization.  One that’s willing to accept us with all our flaws. And those they understands we want to be treated as everyone else.  As lets not forget those who knows when it comes  to veterans,

“Please handle with care.” 



Post Game

The world knows that last night was Super Bowl (SB) LII.  Typically, I don’t root for either team but during the SB I always pick a team. Last night just as last year, it was New England.  Tom wasn’t as he was the previous year.  Although Im touching on the game, this isn’t necessarily about the SB, as I’m sure there will be several blogs on that very subject, I just wanted to set the stage. There were a few folks gathered over to my neighbor’s house for a small celebration and to watch the game.  The crowd consisted of about 3-men and ~7 women (8 if you include my 4 y/o daughter).

Near the end of the game, all I know is there was conversation with 1-man & 1-woman, then a beer cap was thrown towards a neighbor friend and for a few minutes things got heated.  It ended in curse words, hot tempers, and the neighbor slamming the door on her way out.

Now, this neighbor of mine is active Army; a senior Non-Commissioned Officer.  Lets remember, she in this situation she was the victim not the victimizer.  One thing that was stated was ‘she’s military and she is a little more aggressive”. (something along those lines of what was stated)

Really? A stranger throws something towards your face and you react because you are military?  That’s the consensus of the group? Please don’t insult us.  We are more discipline then just that….Her response is one that anyone would have given, if not worse!! Her reaction had nothing to do with her being military. PERIOD!

With all this being said, I can’t help but to wonder “how does the world, civilians, those who’ve never served, VIEW OUR MEN & WOMEN OF THE ARMED SERVICES?

Do they believe we are mentally ill, hostile, aggressive, have severe PTSD or undisciplined as people? Unable to control our anger and emotions?

Do they believe we are broken people? Un-fix-able?

Do they believe we are much different then everyone else? Shattered human beings?

Its disheartening to say the least.  I take the allegations so personal.

But maybe we are unique.  Unique to the point that we are inherently protective of one another.  Yes…that we are.  After she was gone, I voiced my objection to the entire ordeal.  My opinion was direct…”if it had’ve been me, I would’ve acted just as so, if not worse”.  I made sure that everyone knew, ‘don’t pretend as if it was not a deliberate act; don’t pretend that each of you would have shook it off as a joke”!  Wrong is wrong.  I felt a need to defend and protect her.  In fact, I believe I took it damn near as if it had happened to me.

So yeah,

Message to the world; civilians; those who’ve never served;

Maybe we are different.  just maybe some of us are broken or un-fix-able.  But we are a family even when we aren’t family.  Those on the outside, will never understand that especially those who’ve never served.

So even during the post game, AFTER we’ve served, we will always have a commonality,  family and with family….. “THIS WE’LL DEFEND”. ALWAYS!

#soldiers #veterans #struggles #lifecoach #purpose #thoughts #family #broken #onemorestep






Karma; She’s definitely a woman

We’ve all heard the expressions of “karma being a bitch” or “karma has shown HER wicked head”.  I too believe that karma is indeed a WOMAN.

I mean let’s be honest, women are the only beings that feel a certain level of rage that makes us give ‘pay-back” in wayS that cuts deep, TO THE CORE.  We are passionate folks with a talent that takes pure emotions and brain to lead.

Whats amazing about us is the fact that we are also most things that a man IS..  Granted, we don’t have the same testosterone levels in which men have, however in the womb, all humans start off as the man specie and transform from there.  personally, I believe this is the stage in which we instill the thoughts, emotions, characteristics and other traits as men.  But, God took us one step further. He gave us all that then extended u to be something even more great.  Wo-Men!.

I have heard some stories in my day that have literally made grown men cry and things that have ULTIMATELY taken them to their knees.  I would go on a ledge and say these stories were 99% dealings with a woman.

The things that I truly taken back by, is the way in which men are able to dish out certain things and believe that they have the woman on “lock”.  I admire the ego of a man.  That ego is grandiose in nature but its the first thing that’s typically hit the hardest.  Then there’s the pride.  When this is present (not most show this), this is the second biggest attribute of a man.  Then theres that “THING”.  You know the thing in which I’m referring to.  Some have a lot; some have a little; it just depends on what line in heaven he stood in the longest.  Some choice things in that order, and some used reverse order but no matter what they are all TIED very much TOGETHER.  Ego, pride and that “thing”.

So imagine when Ms. Karma shows up. Yes, we are giving her a prepositional name.  Ms! Usually she aims for all three.  Whats amazing, when it comes to a woman, again 99% of a man problem, forget what Jay Z says, in one swift swoop she can destroy all THREE.  In an instant!!

Another man, when used by a woman with Ms Karma, can instantly destroy another mans ego, pride and challenge the abilities of his “thing”.

I’ve given You the answers to the test.

Lesson Learned: Newtons 3rd “Law of Gravity”- For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”



I know, there are some who oppose this or who may even be offended.  However, as a woman who’ve gratefully lived nearly 45-years, I believe I have earned the right to speak candidly about women. Besides, some people need to hear this.

#veteran #soldiers #lifecoach #thoughts #onemorestep #emotions #karma #ego #pride #newtonslaw #relationships #marriage #marriages

One More Step….learn to walk or be eaten…Alive!!

The day that I became a civilian can be compared to the birth of a baby born into the wild. Once their mother pushes them out, they have minutes to get rid of their “sea-legs” and walk on their own, if not, awaiting are vicious animals ready to eat the newly born, alive.

Some make it, some don’t.

You see, for most veterans, this isn’t an easy task.  How do you learn to live in this big world that you had previously been shield from?

Within the military in which we serve, we have our own rules, regulations and laws.  We have manuals that describes to us in detail the way in which we dress, style our hair, and weight restrictions in which we must adhere.  We have our moves and missions for the next 6-months planned out for us.  In some instances, for the next 2-years we know what we are to do.  In addition, we are referred to by our last names which comes after the  preparatory rank or grade.

In the event we commit a crime, the military sends THERE people to come gather you up and place you in the jurisdiction of the government.  If you are then trial-ed you will appear in a court on any one of hundreds of government installations filled with a jury of fellow service members, that you know even if you don’t actually know them.  The court proceedings are then led by a judge who also wears one of 4-military uniforms under his or her robe.

On the contrary, you ARE in violation of many articles, and can be charged with the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) if you ever publicly speak ill-will of The President, regardless how strongly you disagree with him, from a legal voters perspective.  After all, he’s your Commander-in-Chief which makes him the boss of all your bosses.

But when you exit the military, you are no longer demanded to adhere by the rules.  You are free to express your feelings about The President. Hell you can even march in a protest to impeach him if your heart desires. In fact, you can lead the march if you so choose.

If you are arrested for any reason you will be held in a local jail cell and if you are tried in court you have no idea who the people are in the jury.  In fact, you think to yourself that the looks on their faces gives you the impression that they’ve already found you to be guilty even before the trial starts!

Life looks so different from the other side.

The problems here:

Now we have to learn to do things on our own. Think for ourselves and plan for our own next moves in life.  Aside from The Constitution, the Ten Commandments and the basic laws of the land, there aren’t any rules or regulations.

You can wear you hair however you like; eat as much as you want because there aren’t any weight restrictions; and you can wear whatever clothes that feels good or you think LOOKS good on you.  NO-ONE CARES!

I know plenty of veterans that have a tough time living without rules and regulations.  They miss the rules; the safety net; the protection of knowing that someone always have their back.  Not to mention the brotherhood or sisterhood that develops because you spend more time with your fellow brothers/sisters-in-arms then your actual family.

How do these prior service-members learn to “live structured in an unstructured world?”  

How do they learn to function as a normal person and walk through life, normal?

How do they learn to take “One More Step”?

How do they learn to take that step to not be eaten by the vicious animals that are waiting for them to get rid themselves of their “sea-legs”?

After all, there are many “vicious animals” they are waiting, patiently, to eat each of us…ALIVE.


#soldiers #veterans #thoughts #struggles  #ptsd #suicide #onemorestep #relevance #structure #servicemembers #lifecoach.

Perception; too is 9/10th’s of Law

It’s an old adage that claims that “perception is 9/10th’s of the law; simple put, if it looks like some thing is wrong to others, then unless you can prove otherwise, then its wrong.

Ok, ok.  I know they say this about possession not perception. But I honestly believe this holds more truth to perception than possession

Let me explain.

According to Joseph Banks Rhine in 1934, he believed that perception meant that humans can go beyond their senses when it comes to the way of

the world.  He conducted an experiment that he believes proves that humans have other extrasensory perceptions also known as ESP.   The major extrasensory perceptions are known as telepathy, clairvoyance, precognition, retro-cognition, mediumship, and psychometry.

I personally believe that I am very in-tuned with my telepathy extrasensory.  I can recall several times when I’ve thought something someone else was thinking, they said it and I shouted “I knew it, I knew it”.   OR the times or two  when I’ve thought of a person and on cue, they call me as if they knew I was thinking of them.  The lists that supports the idea that I have telepathy goes on and on.  However, those who are reading this are either thinking 1). I too have an extrasensory perception or 2) this girl is crazy.

Perception 9_10th's

Lets assume for a second I’m not crazy.  I want to prove why perception should be 9/10ths of the Law. Both intuitions or ‘gut feelings’ and ESP are both known to be the unproven 6th sense.  Now, a perception is different then an intuition.  An intuition is a “gut feeling” for no apparent rhyme or reason whereas an ESP bypasses the use of any of the other 5 senses.  Ironically, many scientists believe that everyone is indeed born with a form of ESP but many are not in tuned with it or have yet to realize its power within themselves.

To compare intuition to ESP read my previous blog:

Intuition; That 6th Sense 

Now, I get into this whole matter of ESP and perception to discuss my real topic of discussion, the way in which we really use perception in our everyday lives.

Trust me it has nothing to do with ESP but I though the above would be educational!

When we deal with relationships regardless of the type, the way in which one party perceives a message is that person’s perception.  Again, this decision is made by disregarding any of the other 5-senses.

Case in point, if you are dating someone and they tell you they love you wholeheartedly, then you will automatically observe signs that supports the love they claim to have.  However, if they are ignoring you , disrespecting you, not spending time with you, never calling, never doing romantic gestures; odds are you will begin to believe the love claim to have is not true.

Another way to use our perception is when someone claims to be a friend.  A friend is someone who will be there in the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad.  They will cry with you and laugh with you.  They will tell you when you are wrong yet try to help you to ‘get right’.  Sometimes, they will dislike a person because you dislike them.  If you break up with someone then they too break up with them.  Your friends will bail you out of a bad date by calling you and telling you there is an emergency and you need to leave now.  Yes, they are your friends.  If you ever run for a political office, they are the person that needs to be murdered because they know ALL your DARKEST SECRETS! This is the way you perceive a friend to be, your perception of the definition of a friend.

On the other hand, a friend is not someone who talks about you when you aren’t around to their other friends.  They do not my any means tell your secrets, they do not let you leave the house in an unappealing outfit, they do not talk to your ex behind your back and tell them things they are aware you did while the two were dating, they do not post pics on social media when you were drunk and passed out.  The list goes on.  But you get the geesh.  These are not friends!

I say all this to say:

Let your perception be your 6th sense; be 9/10ths of the Law.

Let it guide you.  See things at face value, period.

Peoples actions will always speak louder than their words.

In the words of Maya Angelou:

“When people shows you who they are, believe them the first time”. 



#military #soldiers #relationships #marriages #struggles #lifecoach


A Life Lesson; Round 1

I remember the 5-days prior, so vividly.  My youngest son and I were on our way to church.  We were taking pictures just because we were dressed up nicely, feeling and looking good.  This was a joyous time, we were going to praise the Lord on this Sabbath day.

This is also the day that I remembered looking at the picture and cringing . All I could think of was the fat on my arms that resembled other body parts as it appeared viciously in that red sleeveless dress.  This day was about 10-months post my last deployment in the US Army. A deployment by any Soldiers standard was easy breezy.  Not a care in the world, not a threat and not a reason that inclined us to even consider it to be a deployment. The country was pretty much at peace and we were there to sorta keep things from getting out of hand.  It was the place that “real deploying” Soldiers used as a hub to prepare, depart and go on to the bigger threatening areas.  Naw this wasn’t a deployment, it was just a “duty assignment away from my family”.  That’s it.

Once I did return home after this “duty assignment away from my family”, I went on a juice diet and ran every half-marathon, 10K, and marathon within a 100-mile radius. I did all this because while on the deployment I’d gained weight.  The heat was not good to me or my run routine. Once I returned home I started dieting,  I was probably in the best shape of my life, yet, I still found areas of my body to nick pick.  My underarm in this red dress was one of them.

What I didn’t realize, was that I would soon learn to ignore those small things.  Those things that no-one probably even noticed.  Those things that compared to other things, were MINIMAL to life.

Five days later, my life would be forever changed and I have the scar to prove it.  It was me,  a riding go-kart and a scarf around my neck to protect me from the chill winds of the day.  It was less than a week before Thanksgiving.  Needless to say, it was Sheka vs ‘The Scarf”.  Round 1. The scarf won.  “The Scarf” nearly killed me instantly.  Right as I was laughing, having fun not realizing within seconds my neck could’ve popped, been severed or my larynx crushed.  Or possibly decapitated. That’s all I will say about this.

Looking back on this, I felt as though God kept me around for many reasons. (some of those reasons will be shared at a later date). However, compared to the lifelong scar I now have just inches from that ‘fat on my arms’ that just less than a week prior, I thought was the worse thing ever.  Regardless of my flaws, I learned that life is to be VALUED!  Life is not to be taken for GRANTED.  Literally, within seconds as I was racing others in a go-kart, that morning could’ve very well been the last time my children would see me alive.

Did I kiss them that morning? Did I tell them I love them? Did I fuss at them for neglecting a chore on their way to school that morning? Did I tell them how proud I was of them? Did I remind them how grateful I am to be their mother?

All these things were things I thought of after the fact.  These things were things I thought of as I listened to the doctor ask me “do you know how lucky you are?”  “Do you understand what has happened?”

At that time I didn’t know.  I didn’t fully understand the fact that I was spared.  They say that if you want to understand and appreciate life better, then come in contact with death.

I AM GRATEFUL. I know that I was taught a valuable lesson.  Each time I look at this scar around my neck I am forever reminded.  I am forever reminded that I have a purpose.  I am forever reminded that I am blessed.  I appreciate every day, every hour and every second that I have been given.

That fat on my arm is probably still there.  I’m not sure.  I don’t see it simply because maybe the scar overshadows it or maybe because it’s not important.  Life is more than that.

Life should be more appreciated than a simple area of fat. My life is more then this scar.

It’s a definite reminder.  I get asked all kind of questions or hypotheticals of how it came to be.  I’ve even been asked did I try to “hang myself”?

I simply tell people…….”it’s a reminder that I am blessed”.  I won!


#soldiers #military #soldiersstruggles #relevance #thoughts #veterans

Intuition; That 6th Sense

My intuition has been my guide for the most part of my life.  I use it to make tough decision and I use it when I find myself in situations whereas things aren’t like they seem.

Some would refer to this as a “gut feeling’. Some would tell you that you have a voice that speaks to you.  That voice makes decisions regardless of ‘rhyme or reason”.


I’ve experienced dreams that has come true. I’ve had visions that has sent chills down my spine. I know others can relate. There are times when Ive ignored these ‘gut feelings’ and later regretted my decision in doing so.

Many have expressed this sixth sense as an unconscious reasoning that forces us to do things that we have no idea as to why we do these things.  It’s the subtle knowing of something and not having an idea of as of “why”.

Soldiers have been in situations where their 6th sense has been the reason they achieve or survived confrontations with the enemy during war. Over the past 4-years, the military has implemented a $3.85 million dollar program called Enhancing Intuitive Decision Making Through Implicit Learning, which will be used to allow military scientist to build computer models to aid in the development of training programs to help with soldiers being in-tuned with what has been referred to as our “6th-Sense” or “Spidey Sense” or even a “Hunch”

When we thing of this in its entirety, do we believe this is Gods way of empowering us to be more in control of out decision-making?

Its been said that people who are guided by their 6th sense, do things differently then those who are not. Some have even argued that our intuitions is the highest level of intelligence. 

They listen that inner voice that brides the gap between our instinct and reasoning.

They are better creators due to the fact that they function more so on intuitiveness

They observe everything and everyone around them by noticing others body language and their personal ‘gut feeling”

They do not act on negative emotions as they know that seeing things through negative lenses will alter their decision-making process.

I personally believe that my 6th-Sense, “Spidey Sense” or “Hunch” has been my saving grace in many situations. Because of this, I have found out my husband was having affairs; I have prevented incidents from happening to myself and others; and I have known certain things were gonna happen therefore I was more able to control my emotions when the event did occur.

I don’t know why this is this way.  I can’t for surely say that this is the highest form of intelligence.  All I know that I’m grateful for this ability.  I know that in many instances this sense has been my “saving grace“. And for this I believe that our “Intuition is our 6th-Sense “

How to you use your sixth sense of intuition?

#soldier #thoughts #military #veterans #relevance #intuition


Discipline is required


To achieve any type of goal in life, a certain level of Discipline is required.

“Exercise to lose weight”. Discipline is required.

“Starting and successfully launching a business”. Discipline is required.

” Write a great book”. Discipline is required.

Moving to a higher quality of life involves more than just thinking a thought, or dreaming a dream or hoping for a hope.  Discipline is required.

Four distinct components are needed and are usually embedded in each of us.  Those areas are defined in the cornerstones of our

  • mentality
  • emotions
  • physical, and
  • spirituality

Strength is also needed in each of the components.  You have to have the strength to push that extra mile to finish the race.  Strength is needed to be mentally strong, emotional strong, physically strong and spiritually strong.

Taking life to the next level requires growth in your mental strength; expanding the way you think or the way in which you look at things.  To do this, Discipline is required.

To grow your emotional strength, one would suggest to eliminate wearing your feelings on “your sleeve”. Something I’m personally guilty of doing. In order to change and get past this,  I know that Discipline is required.

Physical strength to go the distant when your brain tells you to quit, Discipline is required.

If all of your other components work together creating a perfect synchronization of a sort, then this is the strength of your spirituality.  To be in tuned with this, Discipline is required.  

When you want to crawl up in a ball, and give-up; Yet you don’t.  You keep going.

You don’t give up.

You don’t accept defend.

If this is you, then maybe, just maybe, you possess the

 Discipline that’s require.

#military  #soldiersstruggles  #thoughts  #veterans #self-worth. #motivation 


My military marriages were the same as most military marriages, textbook. They both happened while in the military; they both ended, while in the military.

Some would say that military marriages are higher on the divorce rate chart than civilian marriages.  I mean, truthfully, I would almost agree with this simply because it seems most service members have been married at least twice.  If we reached the second marriage that means the first had to have ended (in some cases that wasnt the case). Of course, where there is more of something in one area, there will be more of other things in the other area.

Fewer people + More marriages / divorces.  Right? Simple math?

But, as it turns out, military marriages are more successful than marriages that involves civilians.  Civilians being defined as “those who’ve never served in the armed forces”. Clearly, it’s not because military couples have “the answers to the test”.  Some believe it’s because the military provides more benefits as a whole.  Insurance, steady income, education benefits and of course additional help in areas if needed.  There are even free programs for marriages that the military encourages.  There are free counseling services, (unit-supported) free vacation marriage retreats, and most military commands encourage and supports taking your anniversary off from work to enjoy with your spouse.

Of course there is a flip-side.

What if the military person is a woman? In my first marriage, that was the case.  I was married to a civilian.  Someone whom never served; someone whom found it difficult to not be the breadwinner; someone whom struggled with their wife being around other men most of the day; someone who didn’t understand that my job wasn’t a typical 9-5. There were many days I won’t be home in time for dinner; there are days I won’t have the energy for ‘us’ time; there are days where I must work out even after work to help shed the baby weight while you sit at home with the kid.  Our roles were more than reversed.

Now, the flip-side, is inverted

My second marriage, we were both military.  There are times when we both have to work late; there are times when neither will be home in time for dinner, nor be the one to cook it; there are times when I can’t attend your unit Christmas party because I have to attend my own; there are times when your deployment will happen at the tail end of my deployment, so we will hug each other as we cross one another at the airport.

Between my two marriages, I was married for a total of 18 years, yet I spend nearly 25 years in the military. I would say I had a fairly decent career that one would be proud of.  I served enough to put myself in a position to retire at the age of 43.  When I say this to people, usually they are impressed.  But at 43 when I tell them I’m a ‘twice divorcee’, they’re not as impressed...

Now, I sit here,  and i have to ask myself, did I choose the military over my marriages?