“I’d be naive to believe”……

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In the past recent years, veteran suicides have increased significantly with an insinuation that it’s linked to wars in Iraq or Afghanistan  coupled with the use pf prescribed medications.

In the civilian sector, more than a week ago, two-successful well-known celebrities  committed suicide within  48hrs of one another. I can’t help but believe that the world sees this in a similar aspects as the way I see it; “what triggered these two successful people in self-annihilation when they seemed to have it all?”

I know that the majority of the world sees things different.  More of the world views this through a sight that sees through a lens a little different as most of us aren’t rich or famous.  We see this in the ways of living the “average American life”; “realizing that we will probably never be famous”; “knowing that unless a miracle happen, we will never be rich”;  “what do rich people have to be miserable about, they can buy it all” or simply THINKING “I just want to be happy”.

The first ideas of rich and famous, yes we as common folk think that way.  However we also know that being rich is predicated on one thing or another happening.  However “I just want to be happy”, that’s not JUST the result of being rich or famous.  But, it means something different to everyone regardless of social status, regardless or race, regardless of creed, regardless of gender, regardless of the way others perceive it should be.”  Being happy is what we ALL desire for our lives.

On the other end of the spectrum, those that choose suicide, I CANT help but to wonder what were the burdens they carried; what are the things they’ve seen; what were their internal wounds and scars that wouldn’t  disappear;  or, what were their external wounds and scars that were constant reminders?

I know that regardless of whats uncovered or the opinions that are thrown around, no-one will EVER KNOW and no one will EVER UNDERSTAND the choice of suicide.

Most people truly don’t understand “that many veterans struggle to fit into the civilian world once they exit the military.”  They struggled to find “who they are” and “how they can make a great life for their families in addition to coping with the repercussions of war?” or “struggling to revamp their institutionalized mindset.”

OR simply “learning to rethink on our own while we fear the unknown.” Hey world,  did you know we struggle with that?

As I rethink the suicides of the well-known people, I can’t help but to relate it to my own life as a veteran learning to walk in THE WORLD  that is now, again, NEW TO ME.

To be honest, these two suicides along with the constant #22vets a day forces me as a veteran to evaluate my life and where my journey may take me?

The military community is challenged with #22vets a day attempting and/or succeeding in being responsible for their own deaths. From my book, titled  “The Realization of Irrelevance”  (pg 31) below is a quote speaking of suicide:

(pg 31, para 1)  “In 2012 the suicide rates was higher amongst veterans then lives lost in Afghanistan and Iraq during that same year”

(pg. 31, para 2) “Sadly, veterans have  a suicide rare 50% higher than those who have never served.”

As I venture into the world of post-military and become a business owner, I can’t help but to wonder “if those two successful people struggled, what does all this mean for me?’ “How do I fight to make sure the thought of suicide or the attempt or the succeeding of suicide doesn’t come knocking on my door?  I venture to say that everyone at one time or another has conceptualized the idea of suicide.  This isn’t to say that it was a long-term thought or a reoccurring thought.  However, at some point we have at least allowed the idea to enter our mind even if just to say, “naw, I couldn’t imagine” or ” I couldn’t do that because I’m afraid of…” or  “I hope I never get to that point”

Id be naive to believe7

I’d be naive to believe Im immune.  I’d be naive to believe that all my failures will make me stronger, not make me believe Im a failure. I’d be naive to believe that my children are the reason to not do it. I’d be naive to believe that “I could never”.  I’d be naive to believe that the thought happens over time and its never a “one-event-tragic deal-ever”.  I’d be naive to believe that it could never be me.

I’m sure a few of my battle-buddies didn’t ever think they’d be part of the #22vets.

How do we come together as a society to combat this from happening?

This preventable tragedy happens in all societies, in all groups, in all societal classes.

Regardless, rather a veteran or a well-known person this “cry of “IM ALL OUT-I CHOOSE DEATH” is a rising problem that needs Everyones attention, constantly.  Not just when a famous person does it.

I pray for solutions.

I pray that people will feel as though they have PEOPLE and THINGS to live for.

As a Veteran Focused Purpose and Vision Coach I hope that I can make the difference in lives of others.  I want them to realize their vision and help them as they walk in their purpose.

I know “If we take One More Step TODAY, then we did YESTERDAY, imagine what TOMORROW brings!”

Please remember if you feel as though you need to reach out,

please call 1-800-273-8255,

if you are a Veteran, call the same number and press #1.

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!

“THE REALIZATION OF IRRELEVANCE”; Finding your “You” after the military 

No AMENITITIES needed.

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no amenities needed.I recently read an article that spoke on the behaviors of others that women veterans experience when encountering men and women after the women veterans have served.  The writer speaks about how the military, as well as society, see women as an inconvenience, everybody have to make provisions for women as opposed to the male counterpart- the men can tough it out, apparently they believe women can’t, we need additional amenities.  The author furthers insist that the military urges women to view themselves on the same playing field as men if they desire to succeed-apparently there is an unwritten rule that mens levels are not the same of women. Further women are to show strength, confidence and expected to be judged on our merit- I’m assuming there are people who believe that women don’t come prepackaged with these things and we need to develop them. Other areas the author spoke about were ares pertaining to uniform conformity and lack of recognition during achievements and promotions-  in the military women are to wear the pants to look like the men yet our dress uniforms are issued with skirts as well; we never wear them, we are to look as one, like men. In this case of promotions, women won’t typically get a deserved promotion simply because of being a woman. 

However the area that intrigued me the most were the idea that others perceive women to not have direct military ties but to have merely earned their affiliation through others and the authors perspective on  female veterans lack of connection with civilian women.

During my time of being active duty, I’ve had experiences of calling the military doctors appointment line and instead of simply asking for a sponsors social security number, the receptionist would ask “whats your husband social security number.” I recall a time I stated “I can give you he’s but it’s not gonna do you any good.  My husband is a civilian I am the service member.”

*Side note, in the military environment, when you make any sort of appointment, the social needed.  Its equivalent to an insurance card number in the civilian sector. No appointment can be made until its clear the sponsor (service member) is indeed a service member. *

I personally believe women veterans have had issues that were more extreme in comparison to male soldiers. Its sad but I’ve even had male soldiers to say they wouldn’t hold a door for me as we were going through a door simply because, I was a Soldier just as him. SO I ask, “would you want someone to treat your wife, mother or sister that way”. He replied “they weren’t soldiers”. My reply “WE were girls and women before we became soldiers.  No matter what I do in life I will always have more experience with being a woman then a soldiers.” He walked off.

The other issues that I agreed with the author was regarding our engagements frcivilian women.  In my personal experiences, I’ve noticed it but never really felt that it was a battle to fight. I feel that we as veterans, once Soldiers, and happen to be women, are seen by everyone as having strength.  The author implies that only male soldiers act in this fashion and we as females have to show this as well, AS IF WE AREN’T ALREADY WORTHY OF HAVING STRENGHT. Women that have served, are strong. It shows a lot about the type of women we are when we raise our right hand.  This strength definitely is evident to ALL women, even the ones that have served.

We as veteran women are almost like a different breed. Men that we meet either like our strength or not.  Non-veteran women will either like our strength or not.  It’s a double edge sword, however I believe it gives us a “one-up”.  We aren’t looked at as “ones to play with”. People will know we are “fierce, dominating, a leader, and very tenacious.  We are viewed as “Go-Getters”.

In any environment rather it to be military, corporate America, political or hustling in the streets, people will always see ALL women from the perspective of lacking… having to prove what we are capable of doing in the field. Yes, I agree veteran women are viewed and JUDGED from the gate, but nevertheless we have to prove what we are capable of, just as ALL women. We having the unique ability to adjust to any situation. We are leaders, capable of leading ALL regardless of gender or rank. For us veteran women, no amenities are needed.  But if you want to make them, go right ahead.  We don’t believe chivalry is dead.  We simply make “lemons out of lemonade” BING

However, we are viewed as the epitome of STRENGHT.

I’ll take that judgement.

 

Additional articles on this subject:

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/11/the-inconvenience-of-being-a-woman-veteran/545987/

“Decoration Day”: cooking-out….with memoriam….

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Tomorrow is what this nation calls, Memorial Day.  A holiday that allows vacation days to be used, barbecues to be done and partying throughout the whole weekend,  just like the 4th of July.

Memorial Day marked on the calendar as the last Monday in May, to recognize those men and women who’ve paid the ultimate sacrifice while serving in the US militaries.  Originally known as Decoration Day, this day became an official holiday in 1971, years well after the start of the Civil Wars.

As this day also marks the unofficial first day of summer, its primary purposes are often times overlooked or unimportant.  This day is meant to remember those who were the pillars of “selfless-service”.  This is the day that graves are visited, monuments are grandly opened, statues are revealed, and beautifully memorialized words are spoken, all about those-who-have-passed-on.

“Survivors remorse” happens when simultaneously “all gave some-and some gave all” becomes a monumental moment in time that will forever change THE LIVES of everyone involved. It’s THOSE who lived after a veteran has made the ultimate sacrifice while THEY survived it. It’s that person who somehow believes as though he/she could have miraculously prevented the other veterans fate; single-handedly.

What do we do before we get to that last Monday in May? What about the days prior? The weekend connecting that day where most people will be work-free; beach-bond; and grocery-store shopping…. looking forward to some kind of celebration.

During this weekend, we will see these people.  We will pass them on the street; we will tell them “thank-you” for your service; we will shake their hand to show our gratitude for their personal sacrifices; we will drive pass the ones who may stand on the corner and solicit for money claiming to be a veteran; AND we will attend or be the host of a cookout, all in the name of an American holiday.

Decoration Day

But then there will be those of us who will pause to remember “the fallen”; place a particular coin on a headstone; shed a tear as the pain continues to linger no matter the past time;  OR cook AND be the host of a cookout so that you can honor who’ve fallen yet, you SURVIVED.

“Decoration Day” aka Memorial Day, will have those who will not understand its gallantry history, It will have those that didn’t have will get Memorial Day confused with Veterans Day.  It will have those that believes it just a “day-off” work coupled with a. chance to fire up the barbecue grill. However, you will have those who will remember the term “survivors remorse”. We will have the ones that feel as though this day marks a day that they feel they dot deserve to celebrate. We will have those who invites others because they are the grillers.

But, we will have some who will relive that monumental moment in time that will forever change THE LIVES of everyone involved yet they are the grillers and the survivors and they have chosen to honor this “Decoration Day….cooking out…with memoriam….”

 

 

 

Dear Mr.Secretary….

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As of yesterday, the mark of the calendar and coincidentally a Veteran Affairs (VA) appointment, I am at 23-months post military; in other words, being a veteran.

I would say that my appointment experience was consistent to other VA appointments, they ALL raise my anxiety levels to 10!  But for whatever reason this appointment took me to another level fueled with emotions, and fears, and other feelings.  My emotions were elevated from the parking lot just by the mere task of looking for a parking space to park my car.  There are 1000 cars for patients and employees but only 800 spaces available.  Find one the best way you can!

PS. “New parking garage coming soon”, they say. Yet my friends in other states have the same issues with parking.

My fears were also in the overwhelming category as I walked into the doors of the hospital and observed 15-veterans in wheelchairs, 10 OTHERS smoking, and 3-OTHERS just laying on the ground or flower bed, centered-around those in the wheelchair people or smoking people or spectators that appear to walk around as if nothing else is going on around them. Apparently this all is normal; another day at the VA.

Are these things normal? Is this the inevitable for most if not all veterans? If not us exactly, but will we all someday walk upon one of our battle buddies that we knew, while we served, sitting in a wheelchair chatting, smoking cigarettes waiting, or lying around in the rose bed as if its another day lounging?

I see myself as a newer generational veteran.  I am part of the OEF/OIF/OND generation. When I visit the VA I see very little peers during my passing through.  I see the prior generation veterans.  Usually I see the ones from Vietnam, WWII, and the Gulf War.

Through all of this my anxiety raises.  I know it raises as I look for a parking space.  I’m just a goldfish in a bigger ocean.  Equal playing field.  Then I see the veterans in abundance, just there.  What stops me from being one of them someday? Where’s their families? Or did they do as I did and depart the military at their “last duty station” which is not where extended family resided.  No-one around to check on them or me.

Then in compilation of my anxiety and my fear, I then feel pre-judged and categorized. Upon entry, being pre-judged is part of my life.  I am a minority woman, flashy, highly educated yet walk the walk of a Detroiter, even after several decades removed.

My doctor has met me on one other visit.  Although I was there for another small issue, while there I decided to seek attention to another situation. My visit slowly turned into me repeatedly telling the doc ‘I don’t need depression medications, I don’t need to talk to anyone, just because I feel this or that doesn’t mean Im in need of PTSD or depression meds nor do I need to call a hotline. “Damn doc you don’t have issues from time to time and just talk it over with a friend or feel a little hyped about it”

I get it, the doc is a trained professional. Maybe my doctor notice something I don’t. I feel as though Im just being me.

However, regardless of what I do or did for a living, it doesn’t make me immoral or immune to life.  My doc has never served; how are vets viewed by those that never served?

Is this why our vets feel as if they have no where to go? They feel safe and secure just sitting around smoking, chatting and gathering around with other veterans. Where else are they in abundance but the VA hospital?

How long do we struggle to fit in? How long does it take for us to share, chat and bond with others thats not like us? We aren’t like them?  How long does it take us to achieve “learning to live structured in an unstructured world.”

Could it be the way we are made to feel? Irrelevant?

They say, “If you hear something more then enough you start to believe it.”

Veterans have more resources, programs and help-centers available then any other category of people.  But yet veterans have a high population amongst the homeless or those that suffer from various addictions.

From the gate; get in where you fit in; in the middle “lets gather at a sacred place because  we only understand and blend with one another”-(well thats how we are made to feel); in the end, “you made an appointment HERE, that means you have a mental disorder defined in DSM-V.” Finally, “in order to get that medication and other simple ones like Nexium, you need to get a special approval letter from the Chief of Pharmacy…..but….In the meantime”…….Wait, but I can get Sertraline, Buspirone, or Fluoxetine with no issues and no red-tape?”

Mr. Secretary, why is this system designed to make me feel this way?

How do I start “learning to live structured in an unstructured world” Continue reading →

“I am a subject matter expert” said the veteran.

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NO VETERANSALLOWED

NO VETERANS ALLOWED?

Veterans who seek employment in the civilian sector faces many  different set of challenges and obstacles then non-vets.  Both the civilian employers and other civilian workers, hold a belief about the military that impacts hiring the decision to hire. There are some beliefs that are true however, there are some that are myths. Dispelling some of this myths can help the vet seeking employment while opening the eyes of the employer who questions the idea of hiring a vet.

Here are THE TOP 3- Myths vs Realities:

1). MYTH: Veterans have advantages above non-veterans because of their work ethics, discipline, order and sense of timeliness.

 REALITY: Many civilian employers are guided by their own perception of former military personnel.  They believe that veterans are rigid, not easily adaptable, have difficulties fitting into different work environments and, are intolerant of civilians and their ideas.

DISPEL BY, not being defensive regarding the negative images. As veterans try to allow perspective employers see you as an individual with your own set of beliefs, morals and abilities not just as a former military personnel that only thinks in black or white.

2). MYTH: Soldiers are crossed trained in positions within an organization and therefore are ‘subject matter experts (SME)’ within many areas.

       REALITY: Most of what soldiers do in the military, isn’t really understood to a civilian employer.  Most jobs that soldiers are trained in will go over the head of perspective employers and more than likely they will be immediately confused and intimidated.  Further, being too ‘gung-ho’ can appear that a veteran is set in their ways and may not be open to suggestions or learning new and inventive ways of doing things.

DISPEL BY, learning to stay in your lane.  Do the job in which you were hired to perform.  Offering advice is acceptable but there is a difference between offering advice versus belittling others or coming off as “showy”.  Find a balance to not cause hostility.

3). MYTH: Veterans believe that their skills alone, will allow them to walk into a high salary employment, post military.

REALITY: 80 percent of jobs in the civilian world are landed through networking.  Also, doing a job in the military with stringent rank structures is a lot different then doing a job in the civilian sector, whereas there isn’t a rank structure.

DISPEL BY, staying in contact with your former military colleagues.  They could possibly provide you with leads and references to assist with a ‘by-name’ interview or job.  Also, the rank structure in the military limits subordinates from speaking about what they disagree with or feel compelled to speak-up about.  On the contrary, although there are job positions that’s to be respected in civilian organizations, there is a lot more “wiggle room” per se,  in which civilians can “voice” their opinions.

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Please handle with care..

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Theoretically, the average age to graduate from college with a Bachelors is around 22.  For these graduates, immediately,  if not prior, try to work in the area in which they’ve chosen to educate themselves in.  For a 22/23 y/o to take a job making $30K per year is pretty reasonable as they do lack the experience needed to argue for a $75K/yearly salary.

The average veteran graduates with a Bachelor’s degree around the age of 52. Surprisingly,  women vets graduate on average, around age 42 and men vets around age 62. Whereas non-vets have a median age of 45 for graduating with a Bachelors.  There is a 7 years age difference between vets and non-vets in terms of receiving a Bachelor’s degree.

The job market is a very competitive in nature and often can be a very intimating factor for many. In today’s job market, ‘post-9/11 veterans are facing a higher unemployment rate then non-veterans”. This was also the case for Vietnam and other veterans as well.

One of the reasons for the higher unemployment rates is the injuries that veterans from both 9/11 and Vietnam veterans endure.  These injuries includes physical injury and psychological injuries. Because of these military or war created injuries, there is a negative stigma that’s placed upon men and women veterans that leaves them “unemployable” to the average nonmilitary theme corporation.

Further, due to the higher rate of unemployment, a veteran age 18-24 has the highest rate of employment, poverty and homelessness.  This rate is higher than then non-veterans that are of the same age range.  The typical young adult age 18-24 have limited skills in the work force and life, to couple this with having physical and psychological issues forces this young adult to be even less marketable for employment which leads to extreme poverty and homelessness.

On the other side of this are the veterans who have served 20+ years in the military, have exited the military but with psychological and physical injuries.  Most of these veterans are >40 years of age and because of this, will often have more financially responsibilities which means they request a bigger salary when seeking employment.  The average employer is not willing to spend the money to support the demand of an older veteran and therefore will not choose to hire them in the workforce.

Thus all keeping the cycle of un-employable veterans,  unemployed.

In the United States, Arkansas, Connecticut, Hawaii and Kansas leads the unemployment rates for veterans.  On the contrary, New Hampshire, Missouri, North Dakota and Wisconsin has the lowest rate of unemployed veterans.  Alaska, Virginia and Georgia overall, has the highest percentages of veterans within the state while as Michigan Vermont and New Jersey has the least amount of veterans living in that state.

I recall talking to other veterans regarding their desire to work after the military, as I were transitioning.  One of the things I found common amongst most, were their desire to work either on a military installation or with an organization with a strong military foundation.  In the beginning, I didn’t quite understand the need to continue to be a part of the military environment.  But now, I believe I completely understand.

Here is my analogy:

More than 28% of veterans exit the military with a service-connected disability.  Of course when you take retiree (those who’ve served 20+ years,) the percentage is very close to 100% having a service connected physical or psychological injury.  With this in mind, the average veteran feels as thought, those on the outside of the structure of the military, will not and cannot understand them as veterans.  On average we have limitations on what we can and can’t do;

we have more medical appointments

and we come with a label that says “Please handle with care”.  

Not to mention we usually a little older, demand more money and believe that we are “subject matter experts” in most things that we do.  We are cross-trained in various positions and feel as though our talents should be acknowledged and compensated.  We do not need as much supervision, in fact we can complete most tasks without much guidance.

Organizations see us as liabilities. They know that 10-15 years of employment is about all we have left in us. They know that most of us have retirement or disability pay monthly, some both, and believe that we are quicker to “walk out of the job”! There are just certain things you will and will not accept especially when you are working, just to be working.  Not to mention, our talents can be as intimidating as our personalities.  For most employers, these aren’t things they are willing to take chances on.

Not to mention, most people believe that we are one day shy of “snapping”. Yes, this is a stereotype but we won’t pretend as if it’s not something that is thought of by many.

So are we employable or unemployable?

I say employable, but of course with the right organization.  One that’s willing to accept us with all our flaws. And those they understands we want to be treated as everyone else.  As lets not forget those who knows when it comes  to veterans,

“Please handle with care.” 

Reference

https://www.jec.senate.gov/public/_cache/files/0fe6cff8-a551-4d0c-81b8-e8fd6f102693/veterans-day-fact-sheet-2015-final.pdf

Post Game

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The world knows that last night was Super Bowl (SB) LII.  Typically, I don’t root for either team but during the SB I always pick a team. Last night just as last year, it was New England.  Tom wasn’t as he was the previous year.  Although Im touching on the game, this isn’t necessarily about the SB, as I’m sure there will be several blogs on that very subject, I just wanted to set the stage. There were a few folks gathered over to my neighbor’s house for a small celebration and to watch the game.  The crowd consisted of about 3-men and ~7 women (8 if you include my 4 y/o daughter).

Near the end of the game, all I know is there was conversation with 1-man & 1-woman, then a beer cap was thrown towards a neighbor friend and for a few minutes things got heated.  It ended in curse words, hot tempers, and the neighbor slamming the door on her way out.

Now, this neighbor of mine is active Army; a senior Non-Commissioned Officer.  Lets remember, she in this situation she was the victim not the victimizer.  One thing that was stated was ‘she’s military and she is a little more aggressive”. (something along those lines of what was stated)

Really? A stranger throws something towards your face and you react because you are military?  That’s the consensus of the group? Please don’t insult us.  We are more discipline then just that….Her response is one that anyone would have given, if not worse!! Her reaction had nothing to do with her being military. PERIOD!

With all this being said, I can’t help but to wonder “how does the world, civilians, those who’ve never served, VIEW OUR MEN & WOMEN OF THE ARMED SERVICES?

Do they believe we are mentally ill, hostile, aggressive, have severe PTSD or undisciplined as people? Unable to control our anger and emotions?

Do they believe we are broken people? Un-fix-able?

Do they believe we are much different then everyone else? Shattered human beings?

Its disheartening to say the least.  I take the allegations so personal.

But maybe we are unique.  Unique to the point that we are inherently protective of one another.  Yes…that we are.  After she was gone, I voiced my objection to the entire ordeal.  My opinion was direct…”if it had’ve been me, I would’ve acted just as so, if not worse”.  I made sure that everyone knew, ‘don’t pretend as if it was not a deliberate act; don’t pretend that each of you would have shook it off as a joke”!  Wrong is wrong.  I felt a need to defend and protect her.  In fact, I believe I took it damn near as if it had happened to me.

So yeah,

Message to the world; civilians; those who’ve never served;

Maybe we are different.  just maybe some of us are broken or un-fix-able.  But we are a family even when we aren’t family.  Those on the outside, will never understand that especially those who’ve never served.

So even during the post game, AFTER we’ve served, we will always have a commonality,  family and with family….. “THIS WE’LL DEFEND”. ALWAYS!

#soldiers #veterans #struggles #lifecoach #purpose #thoughts #family #broken #onemorestep

 

 

 

 

 

Karma; She’s definitely a woman

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We’ve all heard the expressions of “karma being a bitch” or “karma has shown HER wicked head”.  I too believe that karma is indeed a WOMAN.

I mean let’s be honest, women are the only beings that feel a certain level of rage that makes us give ‘pay-back” in wayS that cuts deep, TO THE CORE.  We are passionate folks with a talent that takes pure emotions and brain to lead.

Whats amazing about us is the fact that we are also most things that a man IS..  Granted, we don’t have the same testosterone levels in which men have, however in the womb, all humans start off as the man specie and transform from there.  personally, I believe this is the stage in which we instill the thoughts, emotions, characteristics and other traits as men.  But, God took us one step further. He gave us all that then extended u to be something even more great.  Wo-Men!.

I have heard some stories in my day that have literally made grown men cry and things that have ULTIMATELY taken them to their knees.  I would go on a ledge and say these stories were 99% dealings with a woman.

The things that I truly taken back by, is the way in which men are able to dish out certain things and believe that they have the woman on “lock”.  I admire the ego of a man.  That ego is grandiose in nature but its the first thing that’s typically hit the hardest.  Then there’s the pride.  When this is present (not most show this), this is the second biggest attribute of a man.  Then theres that “THING”.  You know the thing in which I’m referring to.  Some have a lot; some have a little; it just depends on what line in heaven he stood in the longest.  Some choice things in that order, and some used reverse order but no matter what they are all TIED very much TOGETHER.  Ego, pride and that “thing”.

So imagine when Ms. Karma shows up. Yes, we are giving her a prepositional name.  Ms! Usually she aims for all three.  Whats amazing, when it comes to a woman, again 99% of a man problem, forget what Jay Z says, in one swift swoop she can destroy all THREE.  In an instant!!

Another man, when used by a woman with Ms Karma, can instantly destroy another mans ego, pride and challenge the abilities of his “thing”.

I’ve given You the answers to the test.

Lesson Learned: Newtons 3rd “Law of Gravity”- For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

YING-YANG

WHAT YOU PUT OUT, IS WHAT YOU GET BACK!

I know, there are some who oppose this or who may even be offended.  However, as a woman who’ve gratefully lived nearly 45-years, I believe I have earned the right to speak candidly about women. Besides, some people need to hear this.

#veteran #soldiers #lifecoach #thoughts #onemorestep #emotions #karma #ego #pride #newtonslaw #relationships #marriage #marriages

One More Step….learn to walk or be eaten…Alive!!

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The day that I became a civilian can be compared to the birth of a baby born into the wild. Once their mother pushes them out, they have minutes to get rid of their “sea-legs” and walk on their own, if not, awaiting are vicious animals ready to eat the newly born, alive.

Some make it, some don’t.

You see, for most veterans, this isn’t an easy task.  How do you learn to live in this big world that you had previously been shield from?

Within the military in which we serve, we have our own rules, regulations and laws.  We have manuals that describes to us in detail the way in which we dress, style our hair, and weight restrictions in which we must adhere.  We have our moves and missions for the next 6-months planned out for us.  In some instances, for the next 2-years we know what we are to do.  In addition, we are referred to by our last names which comes after the  preparatory rank or grade.

In the event we commit a crime, the military sends THERE people to come gather you up and place you in the jurisdiction of the government.  If you are then trial-ed you will appear in a court on any one of hundreds of government installations filled with a jury of fellow service members, that you know even if you don’t actually know them.  The court proceedings are then led by a judge who also wears one of 4-military uniforms under his or her robe.

On the contrary, you ARE in violation of many articles, and can be charged with the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) if you ever publicly speak ill-will of The President, regardless how strongly you disagree with him, from a legal voters perspective.  After all, he’s your Commander-in-Chief which makes him the boss of all your bosses.

But when you exit the military, you are no longer demanded to adhere by the rules.  You are free to express your feelings about The President. Hell you can even march in a protest to impeach him if your heart desires. In fact, you can lead the march if you so choose.

If you are arrested for any reason you will be held in a local jail cell and if you are tried in court you have no idea who the people are in the jury.  In fact, you think to yourself that the looks on their faces gives you the impression that they’ve already found you to be guilty even before the trial starts!

Life looks so different from the other side.

The problems here:

Now we have to learn to do things on our own. Think for ourselves and plan for our own next moves in life.  Aside from The Constitution, the Ten Commandments and the basic laws of the land, there aren’t any rules or regulations.

You can wear you hair however you like; eat as much as you want because there aren’t any weight restrictions; and you can wear whatever clothes that feels good or you think LOOKS good on you.  NO-ONE CARES!

I know plenty of veterans that have a tough time living without rules and regulations.  They miss the rules; the safety net; the protection of knowing that someone always have their back.  Not to mention the brotherhood or sisterhood that develops because you spend more time with your fellow brothers/sisters-in-arms then your actual family.

How do these prior service-members learn to “live structured in an unstructured world?”  

How do they learn to function as a normal person and walk through life, normal?

How do they learn to take “One More Step”?

How do they learn to take that step to not be eaten by the vicious animals that are waiting for them to get rid themselves of their “sea-legs”?

After all, there are many “vicious animals” they are waiting, patiently, to eat each of us…ALIVE.

 

#soldiers #veterans #thoughts #struggles  #ptsd #suicide #onemorestep #relevance #structure #servicemembers #lifecoach.